Everyone Loves a Monster


I lie here quietly trying to keep my breathing shallow and silent. I need to steal a little more sleep so I can face the day. I can hear it lurking, creeping though my home searching for food, any kind of food that will fuel its mythic strength.
Cerberus, the three-headed monster has taken over my life. It is a very devious beast, selfish and exhausting. As long as there is salty or sweet food within reach of its lion like claws it won’t hurt me. I never know for sure, when it will raise its heads and demand I pay a toll.
I find this roaring beast most charming, often funny, but it lies for no reason. It won’t brush its teeth or wash and comb its serpentine mane. It has the ability to tear me to shreds in moments, and it is aware of its power. Locking the door makes no difference as it crawls in through any opening, filling my home with energy and desire. After days of silence, it lights my total existence with its continual thirst for knowledge.
When it is gone, I miss it. When it is here, I can’t keep up. I run full speed trying to keep it fed and distracted with anything that is shiny. It has the appeal of a toothless Muppet and the demeanor of Medusa. It is an amazing beast only calmed with three flavors of ice cream, which energizes it to run in three directions fighting with itself and anxious to be anywhere at any time.
Although at this moment, it has decided to be kind to me with 10 minutes of quiet before the next feeding. I really do appreciate that act of generosity. I love a monster and I will give it everything I own. Zeus, please bless my three amazing grandchildren.

Fame and Fortune in 5 Easy Steps


Fame and Fortune in 5 steps 

1. You have an original story rolling around in your brain, been there for years. It’s time to write. Go to Target; buy large spiral , pens, paperback dictionary and binder. While there check out the plastic picnicware and try on shoes that match nothing. Buy sandwich supplies and water bottle, you will need these while penning the best story since Steinbeck died. Head home inspired and ready.

2. Driving passed Best Buy ponder the pros of writing your inspiration on the computer, editing will be easier. Make U-turn to purchase a zip drive to protect your tale of humor and quiet wisdom. Check out the $5 movie bin, put back Ernest goes to Camp, you didn’t like that movie in 1987, and it is still stupid. While bent over looking at a bug zapper, Greg, the 14-year-old clerk will offer to help. Ask him where they keep the zip drives, staying on task. Turning to walk towards the rear of the store, stop to test the 3 D glasses and watch dolphins frolic in the early mist on a 78 inch color TV. Proceed through home entertainment towards the zip drives. Price printers; you will need one for the profound inspiration of a life well lived. Play Angry Birds on sample tablet, and gasp at the price. A 6 gig zip drive is $39.99. When did that happen? Use two credit cards to pay for laptop with free printer. Much better investment than a zip drive, because you can work anywhere and produce the next New York Times break out hit while at Starbucks.

3. Set alarm for 6:00 AM, you know your muse is sharpest in the mornings. Hit snooze at 6:30, 7, 7:30 and rise at 8:30 sharp. Set up laptop, feed cats, clean litter box, eat cold English muffin. Take a shower, and dress comfortably. Wear raggedy sweater that could have made Sylvia Plathe laugh. Return to Best Buy for a wireless router so you can connect to the internet, as access to Thesarus.com will be mandatory for your in-depth treatise on Puritan politics. Your brother calls to meet at Denny’s, and use free beverage coupon that’s due to expire. Stop at Half Price books spend 2 hours 45 minutes and $127 for cookbooks, writers guide and a mystery series by Tony Hillerman. Immediately upon your return home connect to X-Finity Direct TV and watch Ernest Goes to Camp, cost $2.99, savings of $2.01. Read Coyote Waits until 12:11AM.

4. Set alarm for 7AM to start when you are fresh. 7:40, open lap top, check email and post status on Facebook about starting the next great saga of bravery, struggle, improbable science and deception in medieval Scotland. 2:45 PM sign off Facebook and go back to word document. Spend 3 hours on 500 word prompt based on garlic for Writer’s Kickstart meeting.

5. Call into work at 6:45AM begging for an emergency personal day. Open word doc and type….”It was stormy on that dark night…”